are dominants really just chauvinistic, anti-feminists?

back in september, i subscribed to a well known dating site to take a quiz. at the time, i was uninvolved, so i uploaded a brief summarization of myself, reviewed matches, profiles of men and/or women who piqued my interest. what transpired was enough follow up emails updating me on my status, that i decided that i could down interpol with all the internet traffic. i hit unsubscribe and thought nothing more of it.

cut to two weeks ago... i was notified by that same site that a person had taken a gander at my profile and i had a message waiting. my first thought was "huh?" and "i have an account???"

intrigued, i hit the auto log-on feature and read the email. there really wasn't much substance to the email, so it was deleted. however, because on this particular evening, i didn't have anything better to do, i played around on the whole site – more quizzes, who had viewed me recently and searched profiles. not that i planned to initiate contact with anyone, it's just fun to see what's there. i liken it to passing a person on the street, you might think they're attractive and take a second peek in admiration, but that doesn't mean you want to go home with that person.

in doing so, i viewed a profile of a man claiming to be a polyamory dominant. never having been part of a such a relationship, i find the dynamic fascinating. as i perused his profile, he made a statement stating that he is proud to be a chauvinist and anti-feminist. it struck me wrong (no pun intended) seven ways to sunday and disturbed me so much that i actually had to look up the official definitions of the words.

male chauvinist
–noun a male who patronizes, disparages, or otherwise denigrates females in the belief that they are inferior to males and thus deserving of less than equal treatment or benefit.
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[origin: 1965–70]
dictionary.com unabridged (v 1.1)
based on the random house unabridged dictionary, © random house, inc. 2006.


antifeminist
- characterized by ideas or behavior reflecting a disbelief in the economic, political, and social equality of the sexes.
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the american heritage® dictionary of the english language, fourth edition. copyright © 2000 by houghton mifflin company. published by the houghton mifflin company. all rights reserved.


within a few days, that same man also found and contacted me, at which time i told him, that while i found his profile interesting i was involved and politely stated i thought we would butt heads. he read portions of my blog in the interim before i received a very direct response that asked several questions:

1. does T know about the profile? if not, why? (he did not - hell i didn't - but T knows now)
2. why are you listed as single? (obviously when i hit unsubscribe i thought it was a dead issue)
3. he asked if i was looking for a new relationship.
4. he could not imagine what would cause me to pause and think we would butt heads and then, i quote "Elaborate on that".

elaborate on that. while i appreciate directness, a "please" could have preceded that statement. manners would be nice for crying out loud. odd that those three words coupled with his chauvinist/anti-feminist statement could piss me off so badly.

for one, you do not put out a blanket statement that because i am a woman i am inferior to you... EVER. i get so hot under the collar just thinking about it. secondly, approach me politely, respectfully, and don't order me to do anything. i choose to whom i give my gift of my submission to. i am not a submissive because i am inferior. i am a submissive because it makes me feel safe and happiest to do so. i think of each party as equal, but different – otherwise you would not be able to meet the each other's needs.

being a submissive certainly doesn't mean that i can't hold my own, that i'm not independent, self-sufficient, or that i cannot care for me and mine which includes taking care of MY dominant. news flash pal. you cannot be a dominant without someone deciding to be your submissive – otherwise you are just another pompous ass spouting rubbish.

i could have let the matter drop but i politely responded back (it was a stretch, trust me) that i was not looking for a relationship. that i viewed his profile, as i have others, was purely out of curiosity - that he piqued it was coincidental. then i asked what i really was dying to know - how he defined his chauvinist/ anti-feminist statement within and out of the context of his bdsm relationship. i never heard back from him again.

his statements have stayed with me. i'm sure my own opinions on the matter might be cause for comment and i'm all for that – comment away. (free speech and all that) however, i really am interested in the opinions of others and specifically of other male dominants.