the original task started out as a completely different but small request - he wanted me to pack my vibrator. since this was my first international flight, i winced at the thought because no matter the destination, i am always, always the woman who is pulled to the side and searched. my bags have been searched multiple times, in addition, i’ve been patted down and taken to separate rooms so many times you'd think i’d come out with a cigarette in my mouth and a phone number in my pocket. well maybe i would if they touched in all the right places and were a little rougher. =)
i voiced my concerns and amazingly enough, he let that one go. i should have known better, i really should have. i don't know why i think deals can be made, as if i’m ever going to be able to trade one evil for a lesser one. and really, to most, it's probably not a big deal, but i’m not everyone. there are things i have difficulty with: begging, crawling... and ranking right up at #1 would be masturbating.
that's not to say i don't masturbate. i do, frequently. and i don't mind mutual masturbation, or masturbating as long as he is engaged also - meaning that he is participating in some sort of sexual play with me. however, i am completely mortified by the thought of strictly masturbating for him (or anyone), while they are sitting & watching and fully clothed is the worst. i'm not comfortable being center stage with all the attention on me.
so when he casually inferred it, i thought perhaps i could purposefully avoided answering - duck and move, duck and move. i tried to subtly change the subject, thinking i could talk my way out of it. just the mention of it caused me quite a bit of distress.
i emphasized how difficult it would be for me. how ludicrous, awkward, and self conscious i would feel. playing the coquette, wouldn't he like me to perform something else while i played with myself? an unequivocal no followed, but in his kindness, he did tell me that i could place myself in a chair while following his instructions.
i became very quiet, to which he patiently waited for me to speak. after a few minutes of excruciating silence, i finally, as a last ditch effort, spewed out a rush of words, whining & complaining how silly, mortified, unsexy and uncomfortable i would feel doing such a task.
his response was simply, 'Poor baby, you can be comfortable if you want... Your only compulsion is your willingness to obey. I didn't pick this task because it would be easy for you." *sigh*
my mouth snapped shut as i accepted the task that was bestowed upon me... even as i dreaded doing it with every fiber of my being, i was thankful that he was giving me time to work up my courage, requiring only that i complete my assignment before the end of vacation.
we flew out that evening and spent the next 9 hours on a plane. sitting next to me, he catered to my fears of flying, my needs, holding my hand, making me feel safe, taking care of me as only he can do. i could do nothing but think of what was to come and stare dumbfounded at headrest in front of me, squirming in my cramped seat.
by the time we arrived at the castle i was quite worked up. i wanted to complete my assignment. i wanted to make him happy, but at the same time i didn't want do it at all... not one bit. we were half way into our trip before i summoned anything remotely resembling the courage i needed. it had never left my mind. not during our tours, not when we rode, it was always there... in the background taking over my thoughts at the most inopportune moments.
on day four, i woke up early as i am wont to do. i hopped in the shower, relishing the hot water on my skin. when the water started cooling i finally exited, coming out of the restroom wearing nothing but a white bath towel. i stared at his sleeping form on the bed. by this time i had worked myself into such an agitated state, that i thought maybe, just maybe i could practice while he was sleeping so i wouldn't feel as stupid when the time came.
i draped the towel i was wearing over the chair, sticking my ass on the edge of the seat with one foot propped on the nearby radiator, and the other on the floor. i spread my legs and lips, placing my fingers on my cunt. immediately i felt as if i were becoming unhinged at the seams, feeling foolish for feeling exposed and embarrassed, especially because he wasn't watching!
and for one brief moment, i thought i could get away with just doing this... technically i was doing as he asked, he just wasn't awake for it but it felt too much like cheating. hell, i felt bad for just practicing and denying him the pleasure of seeing my distress. i couldn't do it... i just couldn't. i dressed and then woke him up to start our day.
the next morning was much the same as the last. i, as always, woke up first but upon exiting the shower, my towel fell open and he whistled. he was very awake and very conspicuously gaping at me.
time seemed to move in slow motion, and a heavy silence lay between us until i couldn't stand it anymore. it had been hanging over my head for five days and i just thought *fuck it*. i am going getting this over with.
i sat down in the chair, naked as the day i was born, left foot on the radiator, the right on the floor - my practiced gesture. the arms of the chair posed some difficultly, so it was a little challenging. my breasts were pushed together by my upper arms, and i spread my lips and started circling my clit.
he watched unmoving and i, feeling utterly absurd, decided to tempt him with other things. i spoke of sucking his cock, how good it would feel down my throat, how much i know he loves fucking my face. doing anything and everything i could within my power to goad him into touching me so i could end my agony.
i know it was only five or so minutes, but it seemed like hours. his expression never changing, just watching intently and then he said, 'Come on, get dressed, we have to get downstairs.'
and just like that i was dismissed.
i voiced my concerns and amazingly enough, he let that one go. i should have known better, i really should have. i don't know why i think deals can be made, as if i’m ever going to be able to trade one evil for a lesser one. and really, to most, it's probably not a big deal, but i’m not everyone. there are things i have difficulty with: begging, crawling... and ranking right up at #1 would be masturbating.
that's not to say i don't masturbate. i do, frequently. and i don't mind mutual masturbation, or masturbating as long as he is engaged also - meaning that he is participating in some sort of sexual play with me. however, i am completely mortified by the thought of strictly masturbating for him (or anyone), while they are sitting & watching and fully clothed is the worst. i'm not comfortable being center stage with all the attention on me.
so when he casually inferred it, i thought perhaps i could purposefully avoided answering - duck and move, duck and move. i tried to subtly change the subject, thinking i could talk my way out of it. just the mention of it caused me quite a bit of distress.
i emphasized how difficult it would be for me. how ludicrous, awkward, and self conscious i would feel. playing the coquette, wouldn't he like me to perform something else while i played with myself? an unequivocal no followed, but in his kindness, he did tell me that i could place myself in a chair while following his instructions.
i became very quiet, to which he patiently waited for me to speak. after a few minutes of excruciating silence, i finally, as a last ditch effort, spewed out a rush of words, whining & complaining how silly, mortified, unsexy and uncomfortable i would feel doing such a task.
his response was simply, 'Poor baby, you can be comfortable if you want... Your only compulsion is your willingness to obey. I didn't pick this task because it would be easy for you." *sigh*
my mouth snapped shut as i accepted the task that was bestowed upon me... even as i dreaded doing it with every fiber of my being, i was thankful that he was giving me time to work up my courage, requiring only that i complete my assignment before the end of vacation.
we flew out that evening and spent the next 9 hours on a plane. sitting next to me, he catered to my fears of flying, my needs, holding my hand, making me feel safe, taking care of me as only he can do. i could do nothing but think of what was to come and stare dumbfounded at headrest in front of me, squirming in my cramped seat.
by the time we arrived at the castle i was quite worked up. i wanted to complete my assignment. i wanted to make him happy, but at the same time i didn't want do it at all... not one bit. we were half way into our trip before i summoned anything remotely resembling the courage i needed. it had never left my mind. not during our tours, not when we rode, it was always there... in the background taking over my thoughts at the most inopportune moments.
on day four, i woke up early as i am wont to do. i hopped in the shower, relishing the hot water on my skin. when the water started cooling i finally exited, coming out of the restroom wearing nothing but a white bath towel. i stared at his sleeping form on the bed. by this time i had worked myself into such an agitated state, that i thought maybe, just maybe i could practice while he was sleeping so i wouldn't feel as stupid when the time came.
i draped the towel i was wearing over the chair, sticking my ass on the edge of the seat with one foot propped on the nearby radiator, and the other on the floor. i spread my legs and lips, placing my fingers on my cunt. immediately i felt as if i were becoming unhinged at the seams, feeling foolish for feeling exposed and embarrassed, especially because he wasn't watching!
and for one brief moment, i thought i could get away with just doing this... technically i was doing as he asked, he just wasn't awake for it but it felt too much like cheating. hell, i felt bad for just practicing and denying him the pleasure of seeing my distress. i couldn't do it... i just couldn't. i dressed and then woke him up to start our day.
the next morning was much the same as the last. i, as always, woke up first but upon exiting the shower, my towel fell open and he whistled. he was very awake and very conspicuously gaping at me.
time seemed to move in slow motion, and a heavy silence lay between us until i couldn't stand it anymore. it had been hanging over my head for five days and i just thought *fuck it*. i am going getting this over with.
i sat down in the chair, naked as the day i was born, left foot on the radiator, the right on the floor - my practiced gesture. the arms of the chair posed some difficultly, so it was a little challenging. my breasts were pushed together by my upper arms, and i spread my lips and started circling my clit.
he watched unmoving and i, feeling utterly absurd, decided to tempt him with other things. i spoke of sucking his cock, how good it would feel down my throat, how much i know he loves fucking my face. doing anything and everything i could within my power to goad him into touching me so i could end my agony.
i know it was only five or so minutes, but it seemed like hours. his expression never changing, just watching intently and then he said, 'Come on, get dressed, we have to get downstairs.'
and just like that i was dismissed.
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